SL and Dissonance Theory

These last few days in SL have been REALLY rough.  It doesn't make me want to quit but does make me wonder if I can hold up.

Those of us who make emotional ties with the community in which we live and work on SL make them with deep commitment (sp).  We care about the people who impact on us.  We make friends... albeit SL friends.  The problem is, those SL friends can just be gone in a second.  Whereas, in RL, we usually have some warning or a way to track them down for explanations or to make apologies or what have you.  On SL, it is now you see them and are a part of things and then, whap! you are not.

Outside of Brigadoon, which is my "home" in all senses of the word, I was spending A LOT of time on another sim.  They welcomed me in and gave me a role to play.  So important to me, as a person, as a stroke survivor.  A role tailored to myself... not as a mom or a wife.  It was a stretch to accomplish my goals but I was making progress.  Over the holidays, I lost one of my best friends to RL.  A couple of days ago, the owner of the island decided to ditch us and then the other leader abdicated last night.  No warning for us who depend on the comraderie or support that has grown there.  They had their reasons.  Of course there is turmoil.  But, it goes beyond the what are we going to do stage.  It goes to the very heart of each one of us who were invested in the place.  We had emotional investment in each other and the projects we were accomplishing.  All of a sudden... all the stability, our work, our relationships are gone.  Because, you see, on SL... everyone can pick up and leave at a moments notice.  You put things in your inventory... change ownership of land.. whatever, and poof... all gone.

So, what does this have to do with dissonance theory, you say.  I was thinking about how sad, frustrated, displaced I feel this morning and then I started thinking about an old interest:  Dissonance Theory.  Basically, that has to do with the need to keep stability in your life (homeostasis).  The Theory applies to people in many ways but emotionally, I guess, it is the tendency to want to be content (homeostasis).  If you are on a "high," eventually you do something to bring you back to center.  If you are on a "low," you do something to become more centered.  Your body can only take so much dissonance before it makes changes to bring you back whether or not you intellectually recognize it or make the move.  Over the last couple of days, working in SL has been making me feel sick.  All of the hurt feelings and anger running around.  Losing something again and again that I am invested in.  Thinking I have a niche and then finding it disrupted by something out of my contol... sometimes it seems like it is on a daily (hourly) basis.  I know I am not the only one in this position.  Having too many things come together at once.

I can't afford to get sick.  My RL depends on it.  So, the dissonance needs to be reduced.  I could leave SL but I have projects here that other people depend upon me for... plus, I really don't want to.  I will have to find a way.

But, back to Dissonance Theory.  I am a multiple stroke survivor.  I have a son with Asperger Syndrome.  I may have a tinge, too.  Both groups seem to react highly to positive and negative dissonance.  With Aspergers, there seems to be a high need for control, for keeping things in place, to be able to plan for things and not have them change rapidly (and in some cases, at all).  With stroke, too much is in flux all the time and we can't depend on our bodies or our minds with the consistency that  others do.  Many of us have lost our "roles" in life, the things that used to bring us pleasure and stability may not even be within our grasp.  I used to love to do research and to teach.  Now, I can not work.  So, the place I find here.. that can use my residual abilities... is oh so important. 

There is no stability in SL.  Land is there and is not.  People are there and then they are not.  Places are there and then missing.  The trick is going to be finding a way to make this instability tolerable.  Will it be through deadening myself to the demands of the game?  I hope not.  I hope it provides the challenge that will keep me evolving into a more diverse person.  We will see.