Main | February 2005 »

Feeling raw... or bare to the bones

The following is an entry that was encouraged, by a friend from Brigadoon; it's revised from a hearfelt apology I genuinely extended to someone... and I am sharing the "heart" of the message; it also relays how I see/live on a daily basis.

I am a happy-go-lucky type outside work. And: outside work and because friends in RL worry about my vulnerabilities, they want to be "around" when I am not with people I work with.

My brain goes at more Mghz than most the brightest of the brightest can work. Prosecutors, detectives, et cetera, told me most brains run at 5 Mghz. They said mine goes 5000, however. I don't know if that is true, only that mine does not enter a "shut down" mode. I didn't get the IQ testing they sought; instead I got the AS dx.

I don't digest the world ... its stimuli ... as do others. My brain is constantly on a crash course or head-on with life on a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour and day-by-day basis.

In other words: I often cannot see things objectively. My filter is locked into the subjective when it comes to the personal side of me; the dual filter hones itself on Locard's Principal when it comes to work, however.

I try to step outside myself - in my personal life - and view through a prism that I don't hold to my heart but I can't. That is MY shortcoming. Others may see things I miss. That didn't strike me until a few days ago. It's a time delay understanding when too much stimuli is hitting me.

I just haven't the internal filters I reach for. (Nah, I actually struggle to grasp those filters that seem ever elusive to me.)

My life has been about "work" predominantly until Brigadoon. It's been: for a point, and hold to it and let no one punch any holes; in work relations, I am expected to anticipate weakness in argument and hit it head on in advance to seal those holes. See, it's being too darned focused.

I hurt others (and myself) by living by that "pattern."  I never meant to hurt anyone else.

My computer, as I said, when I joined Brigadoon, had been used solely for work; I use(d) another computer for anything possibly construed as "personal." And protecting myself also kicks into overdrive; the two facets have been intrinsic.

I just want for others to feel no pain and for me avoid saying stuff that doesn't come out quite the way I intended. With objective eyes, I feel everyone is "safe."

I am wearing my heart on my sleeve right now and feel vulnerable, as I think others might, too.

I like people, only I think, at times, interactions start off tenuously ... just not being familiar with one another prior and, though, we can have passions and interests that also intersect.

I'm trying to learn and determine where life can lead without me being so overly-protective (of myself and of things that are routine or most "comfortable"). I am just thinking, I set my guard so high to protect myself from past pain. And: That guard was set so I that I also, inadvertently, found a wall or barrier erected that led to not letting others beyond the protective "shield." What an irony, since it is interaction I want beyond the superficial.

I think, maybe, I have been hurt so much (in the past by others) that I go into over-drive to also protect myself; it's been an autonomic response. I can no longer say it is, though, because - now - I am cognizant of what is happening internally.

I take responsibility for my own shortcomings. I, simply, feel scared at times or overwhelmed ... and, sometimes, I do not know how to express it more briefly.

Having been hurt so much (in/by life itself) I just prefer no secrets.

I am not posting this in indifference to others. But I also want things to go well for others, long after this.

I've spoken - okay, make that written  - from the depths of my heart.

And I do so much feel sorrow that I don't know how to express myself as well as others when I've felt so much fear.

I WANT people to know me, as much as I WANT to know people. I can't separate my heart from that want or desire.

I've been trying to find my footing, as have others, but we aren't alone. I just say it differently and struggle for the words to say it... now, even after years of also working in publishing and stuff. Who woulda thought that life would take this path?

No one ever gave me a lesson in living or a manual on how to feel or find feeling being more human. Instead, it was about work and who wanted what, when and where. My brain "gets" deadlines. I also aim to be compassionate. But the angles of my mind that center on forensics hit the mark. I miss it when it comes to interacting with people outside work.

I can try harder though... and I know I am trying to the utmost - that I can manage. It's a moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour and day-by day effort. I think the effort well worth the endeavor.

Posted by Sierra on January 31, 2005 at 05:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Hey all-

Just wanted to introduce myself, I am Delta7899 here at the blog, on the island, I am know as Sapphier Stirling. I am a mother, wife, confidant and paraprofessional. I am in my fourth year working one-on-one with a now 14 year old. My desire is to learn from, and enlighten the readers of this blog the diverse challenges those with Aspergers may face.

My student has passionate interests and proficiency in certain subjects; he also has a vast deal of difficulty with organization and social skills. His brain often will over process even the smallest piece of sounds. Imagine hearing 24 pencils move (that of his classmates) while doing class work. He has made substantial progress with sounds, graduating from earphones he once wore the entire day at school, to not wearing them at all. However, he always knows they are available to him.

I am so very proud of his every accomplishment and tell him often.


Posted by Sapphier on January 24, 2005 at 03:29 PM in Delta7899's posts | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Snow Cabin Creations...

It was a cold and overcast day... and ... uhm, my computer decided to hybernate. It just died, went to sleep, took a break from everything: It crashed. It left me feeling separation anxiety. I need my computer for work, and for accessing SL, and for writing myself E-mails when I can't walk or just want to amuse myself; I laugh when I think that I might actually respond to a message I sent meee. But I digress...

Okay, so that feeling of "Oh no, what am I gonna do now?" only lasted a few minutes, until an ah-ha! moment came to me: Use my external HD to see what I could save in case the 'puter just was not in the mood to work any longer.

Before the "great crash" of 2005 (which I am cautiously dubbing it with the hope that it won't happen again this year), this is what I made for my snow cabin and was in the midst of trying to share here ... when, well, I don't want to go back to that moment the monitor went dark. My screenshots were saved of what I had made: the workstation and southwestern picture; a fireplace and small stand; and, too, my kitchen appliances...

Image1_3 Image2_2


Posted by Sierra on January 23, 2005 at 07:07 PM in Sierra's posts | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

My home on Brigadoon

The virtual world of SL allows you to express yourself in many ways.  One way that most people express themselves is by building a "home" in SL.  You can build anything you like using the building tools in the software, the same way you can use a program like Photoshop to create any picture you like.  If you've been reading this blog, you've seen that some people express themselves on Brigadoon by building homes surrounded by wonderful gardens full of flowers and beautiful trees.  Other people create little mountain chalets.  Some even build large houseboats or yachts that actually move on the water, complete with circling seagulls and parrots that talk to you!

I put off building a home for myself for a long time.  I had created a greek temple on the mountain as a public meeting space, but I never had my own "house" really. 

Well, last week while I was wandering around the public world of SL, I saw a house for sale.  You can either create your own house in SL or visit a number of vendors who sell pre-built homes.  As soon as I saw the house, I knew it was the one I wanted.  I immediately purchased it and set it up on Brigadoon.

My home is basically a house inspired by the TV show and movie "The Addams Family."  It's based on the Addams Family's house, and was built by SL resident Eva Virgo..  I always loved that TV show and movie.  The style is somewhat "gothic," but it's not dark or foreboding at all.  It's open and airy, and I plan to build modifications to it over time.  I'd like to create a little "Thing" guy and have him dancing around the entrance.  Oh, and I need to work on getting a dragon to live under the staircase. :)

I've been using my new house as a place for holding meetings now and then on Brigadoon.  Here are some pictures of my house and a bunch of us meeting the other day.  When I told my good friend lilone Sandrain about my new home, I mentioned "I think I need some friendly bats flying around my belfry."  She laughed and then created a bunch of cute little bats for me (they even fly!), and I've made them permanent residents of my home.  Brigadoon resident Jamison immediately gave me some wonderful chairs for my meeting space, and Coos gave me a beautiful torch that I've placed on my roof deck.  Pepsi recently gave me a wonderul candelabra that I am placing in the living room.

Creative expression in SL takes many forms, just like in the real world.  The way we dress, the homes we live in, and the way we behave with other people.  Brigadoon is allowing everyone to freely explore all those modes of expression, and more.


Posted by John Lester on January 22, 2005 at 06:27 PM in John's posts | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

I Grew Up Today

I grew up today.  I lost my innocence, and I don't think I like it much.

Playing SL ages you quickly... much too fast.  And, I had it good... not like the people who come into the game without a place to go to get their feet wet.  Brigadoon was already partly established when I came.  I wish I had been there at the onset to see it move from plain territory into the beautiful place that it is.  But, it was fine...peaceful...beautiful... water, hills, trees, a few houses, wonderful people to explore and become friends with/family.

My computer had a lot of lag.  So getting around was mighty hard.  I literally stumbled and fell and got stuck, A LOT... until my hubby got me a new video card.  Now it is better.  I learned how to fly and drop gracefully to the ground instead of falling from great heights and getting stuck to the ground (which requires re-logging).  Altho... the other day, I did fall off of a mountain and into a rabbit hole.. yes, a rabbit hole.  One of my buddies on another island has a rabbit avatar and lives in a hole in the ground, all strewn with the things he is working on. Neat.. but i had to call for a tp because I couldn't get out.  :D

I digress.  John took me on my first outing... to a workshop on building by Jamie Otis.  Jamie is a wonderful instructor but I have to admit I got little out of it other than how to make a prim.  Being a stroke survivor, my brain was having trouble grasping what was said and trying to use my view finder to focus.  I finally sat back and just listened.  Went back to Brigadoon and played with my new toy... the cube... the building block.  I built a dock.  Probably a hundred prims of .5m cubes.  And planted some flowers and put in a couple of chairs.... It was home.  I had a playpen.

But, playpens can only go so far... you want to stretch.. so I built a house among swaying trees... from scratch of course... using my buddy the cube.  It came all detached all the time.  Locking and linking just wasn't holding it together. Parts kept moving.  I was so frustrated.  I took it down... I knocked my blocks across the room so to speak.  I felt displaced.  I wanted to quit.  But, Coos saw my distress and came to my aid.  Calmed me down enough to go exploring.

I had tested this island once while looking for plants... I was a gatherer of plants and trees.  I went to wander through a game they had there and was talking to one of the the people there and they adopted me.  Now, I had a Brigadoon family, my core family, and an extended family.  Such wonderful things went on there.  I met people who made fireworks and waterfalls and sculptures and parts of games.  Best of all, they gave me a place to plant...a role...I was island gardener.  I have never been one for doing things without a purpose... this fit the bill!

I became totally immersed in this new society of wonder and pals and invention.  I made friends, created, was accepted (but on the fringe as always) and was having a wonderful teenage life.  I discovered and learned so much.  I developed what I thought was a relationship with the island owner and her sig other/fiance.  I got involved in group projects.

But, my life was cut short by a divorce.  The owner of the land quit because of RL issues and a serious disagreement with her SL fiance.  All of a sudden, no warning. contact..just a note on a forum saying she left.  Utter confusion, grief, everything imaginable. Then, the fiance announces his departure.  He was the orchestrator of the structure on the isle.  There was no stability, no structure, no way of finding out anything.  People started to talk of their experiences there, of where to go next.  But mostly, discussions of instability.  The next day, the owner announces (again out of the blue) that she is coming back.  Questions of whether she was really back, was coming back to sell the island, etc etc.  Too much flux.  Too many emotions.  No where to find answers.  No way back.  I was rapidly headed into late high school all within a week.

Yesterday, the day after the return announcement, were the meetings...very interesting meetings.  All of human nature was on display.  Some people couldn't take the emotion and used off-topic chatter or nonsensical inside jokes to deal.  Some people, who just hours before were talking about divorcing themselves from the situation, were playing extremely nice.  At first I couldn't quite figure it out.  How could it be that I felt the betrayal and loss so strongly and yet these people could turn around and start up as if nothing had happened.  Sure there were still questions, but nothing big.  One person did state his feelings of betrayal and broken trust and opted out and another expressed uncertainty but felt he had signed on for a job and had to follow through, but these were people in the hierarchy, not in the rank and file.  I was stunned.

Then I made the connection... the word "hidden agendas" came flashing across my eyes in bright flashing letters.  This is the only place in SL that I had come across that wasn't all chopped up, that worked together but left room for individuality, that supported each other with expertise and goods (not expecting payment), that had enough room for games and projects that could not be supported in other places.  Most of these people did not feel a need for a house to have a home.  The comeraderie and space was their home, their family.  If they did not opt back in, they would be homeless and lose their base... their stability.  (Dissonance theory revisited.)

I guess I am not that flexible.  A serious blow was taken.  I grew up.  The joy, the wonder, the exhileration is gone.  The suddenness of change and thoroughness turned me into an adult.  Until last night, I thought I could keep one foot in each world but now I realize I cannot.

Will I leave SL, no.  It still has regions to explore and so many things to do... Plus, even SL is going through growing changes.  Unfortunately, I think it is making adjustments that will create middle age.  I am not quite there yet.  I will explore jobs now... teaching, discussions, project creation.  But I truely mourn the loss of my all too short childhood.  I hope I can get some of the joy and wonder back but I fear that it will now be only for purpose, not for the exhileration of it.  We will see.

Posted by Jamison Read on January 22, 2005 at 08:43 AM in Jamison's posts | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Donating to support Brigadoon

Project Brigadoon is financially supported by Braintalk Communities Inc.  However, we would like to give people who wish to directly contribute to Project Brigadoon the ability to make donations online.

Therefore, we've just added a donation button to the Brigadoon blog (in the left column on this page).  This will give people interested in contributing to Brigadoon the ability to donate online using Paypal or a credit card.

I am using BrainTalk Communities Inc. as the organization to receive and process the funds.  Since BrainTalk Communities is a non-profit organization, all donations are fully tax deductible, and all donations made through the "donate" button on this Brigadoon blog will be used *exclusively* for Project Brigadoon.

All donations to Project Brigadoon will be used to help pay monthly land rental fees, as well as to potentially purchase more land as the members of Brigadoon grow.

Thank you for your generosity and support.  By donating to Project Brigadoon, you will be helping a group of people dealing with Asperger's Syndrome and Autism to become more independent and confident in themselves.  Thank you.

-John Lester (Second Life name: John Prototype)

Posted by John Lester on January 21, 2005 at 02:36 PM in John's posts | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

3 months into SL

Time for an update, I guess. In the last 2 months I have experienced the personal ups and downs of seeing projects succeed and fail; of relationships begun and ended; of wanting to be in SL and not; the changes in community; the changes in self; etc. that all of us experience in RL.

During a particularly frustrating time a week or so ago, I came to the realization that SL not only had a good side... in helping us to learn our creative sides, being able to explore new ways of doing things, meeting and relating to new people... it also had a negative side.

It brought into focus, in a concentrated form, my weaknesses.  I was faced with trying to deal with a situation (a communication/relationship situation) that I have had trouble with all my life.  I am a compromiser.  I found myself in a position that I felt was not compromiseable and not knowing how to make things "right," I was choosing to absent myself.  Well, sometimes that works in real life.  Often, you can avoid/sidestep the situations where you know from past behavior that will get you in trouble. I am not a quitter.  I have often stayed in bad situations in RL much longer than I should.  But, here, I had the chance to just opt out.  NO penalties... Right?

Wrong.  I really wanted to be in the environment I was in.  It was a good, creative, supportive place.  I had a role.  In rejecting that role, I lost a lot.  (Confused a few people too, I suspect.)  I thrashed around for a bit and realized that participation was more important than my feelings about what was going on.  So, then, I thrashed somemore.  Twice now, I have wanted to quit but my new found friends would listen and give me thoughts for direction (even if they didn't know it at the time).  The light bulb went off.  Why not break out of the role I had put myself in?  There is no penalty.  I don't have to worry about a job being affected by it or a RL relationship.  I can be who I choose to be.  And, I can choose to be a better me.

So, I petitioned my role back and received it.  (Thank heavens!)  Made some apolgies and have set out to explore this new way of dealing with that type of situation.  Maybe it will work... maybe not.  But, I do know that a difference has been made however subtlely (sp).  It has energized me to take a few more risks.

New topic:  I can't wait for the teen version of the game.  I am going to sign my son up as soon as I can.  I think he will benefit and will also see if it will help him decide if he truely wants to explore some aspect of gaming as a career (beyond playing them).  I love Brigadoon but I think he needs a place that he can explore without ol' mom around.  Now that I have had experience with the "game," it will be easier helping him to get started.  Then, it will be up to him to take off.  It may not turn out to be his cup of tea but at least it opens a door.

Brigadoon:  Thanks everyone for your support, your openness.

Posted by Jamison Read on January 21, 2005 at 08:00 AM in Jamison's posts | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

1 month into SL

Besides piles of RL work sitting undone as I create a second life....

I'm not sure how to start this. I have been composing it in my head for the last couple of days. I am not sure that the thoughts are going to reach the page, but...

I requested admission to Brigadoon primarily on behalf of my son. He has AS. I wanted to see what the program was before I asked for admission for him. I also wanted to come to know others with AS in order to better help him. I know life is a going to be more of a challenge for him than some people without AS and I hoped to gain some insight into what I can do to better prepare him for adulthood.

After I got to Brigadoon, I formed a third goal: investigating it as an option for stroke survivors. I am a multiple stroke survivor and also have been active on the MGH/Hasty site since 1995. One of the biggest sorrows that rings throughout each person (strokee or caregiver) is the loss of Life as they knew it. I thought it might be a possibility for creating a Second Life for those who have lost their ability to motate or verbalize but not their ability to create and have a life. While I am still considering this goal, I know how difficult it was to get even the most verbal and able communicators to be able to use the chat feature at MGH/Hasty so, while it is ever in my mind, I haven't gone much further with it. (Anyone into helping me write a grant to try it?)

In terms of the first two goals...I have had a lot of success. My son wants to go into "gaming." He is usually focussed on action games rather than creating games and has not been really keen on joining SL. However, as I have learned more about scripting, building, animations, etc. (and I admit I am still very largely a newbie), I can look at commercials on tv and his games and it is all starting to make sense. I have been talking to him about the connection between SL and the things he likes to do and I think he may want to sign up. Therefore, this will be a bridge between what he likes to do and seeing if it might fit into a career choice for him down the road. (BTW, should he ever join, I'd like to delete this post.)

I have learned more about the challenges that people with AS face... the commonalities and the differences. I don't feel like an outsider altho some may view me as such. That's the nice thing about SL and this site, it strips people of external things and lets them be who they are. My fellow community members on Brigadoon are family to me.

Brigadoon offers a safe place to refuel and create. I have missed being creative in my post-stroke life. My son does not feel that he is creative. Yet, there are so many tools available through SL to tap into pretty much any area and to allow exploration. I have learned SO much. It is a quiet place or a place to converse or a place to try out new things. It is very beneficial to have a smaller place without non-community members and in discussions with others of the Brigadoon group, it sounds as if people who have off-Brigadoon sites appreciate Brigadoon as a safe place.

Not that it doesn't have its ups and downs. After all, we are all different people with little knowledge of each other. But, it is easier to practice new communication/socialization strategies there. For example, as I've told my compatriots... I am working to separate each individual and value them for themselves. It is so easy in RL to be pulled into one faction or another, to ally with one person's thoughts or another person's actions. I am working really hard to not do that. To see each person for understand the person outside the AS and what part the AS may have in what each of us says and does. (BTW, my husband says I am more AS than my son. It is possible with my family history but since my son is adopted, his AS is not inherited from me.) Anyway, I am making headway in changing my communication patterns... both within SL and outside of SL.

Using the typing method of communication is difficult. It takes longer than speech. But, the "History" does allow you to go back and sort out information that you may have lost when many people are talking. I can see where people who have more difficulty in typing may get frustrated. I think all of us have given up proper punctuation and spelling when the need to put an idea across is more important. And, in a way that is a plus. You, again, get to the core of the communication without making judgements about the person based on preconceptions of what a person is/is not from their writing skills.

Life outside of Brigadoon is a real opportunity as well. Some of the groups of people who hang out there are... well, let's say different from any I would encounter in my RL. Again, stereotypes can be broken down. There are a lot of helpful nice people out there with ideas different than mine who are willing to work on common projects.

The socialization factor seems to be the biggest burden in AS... from what I have seen in my son, other children in the school where I volunteer, adults I have met in my community, and the people here. It is not a unidimensional problem but it seems to me that there are recurrent threads of areas of difficulty. Brigadoon (and SL) offers a way to work through some ideas on how to deal with the lack of structure/control, miscommunication and trying to figure out what is really being said, and the isolation that life in RL can create because we just plain don't "fit." (Actually, I don't think anyone really feels like they fit. I was talking to someone at a class reunion that was a leader of the "in" crowd and she said she always felt like a misfit.)

We can support each other in exploring other ways of dealing with situations if we trust each other enough to ask for help instead of automatically accepting defeat and returning to our typical patterns of behavior. I see this positive interaction frequently in Brigadoon. It is there for the taking.

xxxx's earlier post was a good one. However, it was fraught with uncertainty (my perception) because she was putting her thoughts out there for the rest to see and not knowing if she would be adversely judged by her words. I can relate. This is hard. I am not one to open up my thoughts for group public consumption. It is threatening. Two months ago, I wouldn't have written this post. I will trust that if anyone has questions or comments that they will come to me with their thoughts so we can agree or agree to disagree.

This post has taken a completely different tack than I was intending. I hope I am not too far off the track from what you wanted/needed, John. I guess my opinion of SL and Brigadoon is that it opens up so many opportunities for learning and being creative and finding/expanding talents in yourself that you may have not otherwise discovered. You have the opportunity to meet many people with very diverse backgrounds with a common goal: Creating something...whether it is an object or a thought process or a comaraderie (sp?). You can erase mistakes with no residual. You can create a garden with no weeds. You can explore or you can retreat. It is all there. Brigadoon provides the added safety and quietness to individualize and become a part of a SMALL group.

It has been good for me and I think that soon, it may be a good for my son. He is opening his mind to the possibilities it offers. It is nice to see.

Posted by Jamison Read on January 21, 2005 at 07:58 AM in Jamison's posts | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

SL and Dissonance Theory

These last few days in SL have been REALLY rough.  It doesn't make me want to quit but does make me wonder if I can hold up.

Those of us who make emotional ties with the community in which we live and work on SL make them with deep commitment (sp).  We care about the people who impact on us.  We make friends... albeit SL friends.  The problem is, those SL friends can just be gone in a second.  Whereas, in RL, we usually have some warning or a way to track them down for explanations or to make apologies or what have you.  On SL, it is now you see them and are a part of things and then, whap! you are not.

Outside of Brigadoon, which is my "home" in all senses of the word, I was spending A LOT of time on another sim.  They welcomed me in and gave me a role to play.  So important to me, as a person, as a stroke survivor.  A role tailored to myself... not as a mom or a wife.  It was a stretch to accomplish my goals but I was making progress.  Over the holidays, I lost one of my best friends to RL.  A couple of days ago, the owner of the island decided to ditch us and then the other leader abdicated last night.  No warning for us who depend on the comraderie or support that has grown there.  They had their reasons.  Of course there is turmoil.  But, it goes beyond the what are we going to do stage.  It goes to the very heart of each one of us who were invested in the place.  We had emotional investment in each other and the projects we were accomplishing.  All of a sudden... all the stability, our work, our relationships are gone.  Because, you see, on SL... everyone can pick up and leave at a moments notice.  You put things in your inventory... change ownership of land.. whatever, and poof... all gone.

So, what does this have to do with dissonance theory, you say.  I was thinking about how sad, frustrated, displaced I feel this morning and then I started thinking about an old interest:  Dissonance Theory.  Basically, that has to do with the need to keep stability in your life (homeostasis).  The Theory applies to people in many ways but emotionally, I guess, it is the tendency to want to be content (homeostasis).  If you are on a "high," eventually you do something to bring you back to center.  If you are on a "low," you do something to become more centered.  Your body can only take so much dissonance before it makes changes to bring you back whether or not you intellectually recognize it or make the move.  Over the last couple of days, working in SL has been making me feel sick.  All of the hurt feelings and anger running around.  Losing something again and again that I am invested in.  Thinking I have a niche and then finding it disrupted by something out of my contol... sometimes it seems like it is on a daily (hourly) basis.  I know I am not the only one in this position.  Having too many things come together at once.

I can't afford to get sick.  My RL depends on it.  So, the dissonance needs to be reduced.  I could leave SL but I have projects here that other people depend upon me for... plus, I really don't want to.  I will have to find a way.

But, back to Dissonance Theory.  I am a multiple stroke survivor.  I have a son with Asperger Syndrome.  I may have a tinge, too.  Both groups seem to react highly to positive and negative dissonance.  With Aspergers, there seems to be a high need for control, for keeping things in place, to be able to plan for things and not have them change rapidly (and in some cases, at all).  With stroke, too much is in flux all the time and we can't depend on our bodies or our minds with the consistency that  others do.  Many of us have lost our "roles" in life, the things that used to bring us pleasure and stability may not even be within our grasp.  I used to love to do research and to teach.  Now, I can not work.  So, the place I find here.. that can use my residual abilities... is oh so important. 

There is no stability in SL.  Land is there and is not.  People are there and then they are not.  Places are there and then missing.  The trick is going to be finding a way to make this instability tolerable.  Will it be through deadening myself to the demands of the game?  I hope not.  I hope it provides the challenge that will keep me evolving into a more diverse person.  We will see. 

Posted by Jamison Read on January 20, 2005 at 08:30 AM in Jamison's posts | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack


I was invited to join the Brigadoon project after expressing an interest in the project to John, our fearless leader. I am very interested in autism and at times have felt completely consumed by it being the parent of a child on the spectrum, and feeling like I also could be on the spectrum.

When I came to Brigadoon I was anxious to explore to find out what this new concept in support would be, and I was amazed by what I found here. Nothing had prepared me for a second virtual life like I have at Brigadoon. The support I get here is different, it’s intimate, and very hands on. Any one can join SL and exist in it, but being able to come to our private place at Brigadoon has been like having a safe haven, an escape, and another family.

Sometimes I go to SL and Brigadoon just to explore because there are just so many astounding and beautiful places to see. Things can change daily and there is so much creativity it’s inspiring. I particularly enjoy meeting new people, and spending time with the friends I have met there.

Posted by Parker Parkly on January 18, 2005 at 07:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack