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A view of the Leader of the pack=normal from a bus driver on the spectrum

Now I have said alot about my self. I will see if I can create a picture for you of the so called normal kid that everyone wants. Do not get me wrong we all need to be somewhat normal to survive in this world. My obsevation of the children that are concidered normal is eather very good or very bad. The point I am going to talk about is the pack system of non spectrum people.

Why is it "normal" concidered "normal" to beat  up other kids and continualy harrass other children seen as close to the same level in the pack? Just so you can prove you are above them in the pack! Well this does go on day in day out. The schools say do not do this but it seems to somehow encuraged just so they can be normal. There is not a day I do not see this kind of stuggles going on on the bus. If I try to stop it I am harsh. If I allow it I am to laxed. Hmmm The typical statment is "Kids will be kids".

I guess because most kids do this it is normal. Parents want there children to grow up and be good members of the communities. I guess this means you have to look the other way when the child is violent abusive. Just because they want a 'normal' child. I understand you want you child to be a president of a company. well that is great we need people with good leadership skills to run the companys so they make a profit. There are many ways to run a company. You can step on people beat them mentaly to be good puppys and to blindly do as the master says. I find that most of the corperate world uses this to a large extent.

I also see alot of sucking up going on in the world. Those that want to move up must suck up. I had to do it to get to the top now you must suck up to get the higher notch in the system. This also is concidered "normal".

I saw a superbowl commerial about this. It was funny at the time because it is SO TRUE. IS this the kind of "normal" you want? I am sure some willsay yes. Most willsay no publicly. Then privately admit well it is the system I must go with it.

Is the pack system bad? NO I do not think it is bad. I think that each child should be able to show there leadership skills thay have. I do not go along with the idea that just because child boy can beat up the rest of the class he should be a president of the company. I do not think that just because child F can flirt well she has the needed skills to be Director of Department L. Sometimes they do have the needed skills to be good at what they do, but it seems most of the time they do not. This is an age old problem that will never get fixed so long as kids that can use violence, harassment, trickery, and exreame bending of the truth to make them look better than others.

Remember kids that learn this is ok become adults that do the same things. I see this daily in the schools.

Now I was a kid that for most part "normal" I watched others doing things that were "strange" to me, but I quickly learned that using these tools helped me not get beat up all the time harrased all the time. I learned If I could be-friend a higher member of the pack and bribe them (by sharing what I had) I could ride on there coat tails. No one wanted boy H to get mad and beat them up or harrass them.  I have read many theorys about why children on the spectum have lots of problems in schools. I have never read anything about Mayby Just mayby they are trying to imulate the pack system in an atempt to be "normal". They just do not understand how to do it and make it work for them.  I am not saying this is all the problems but I am saying Look at this posability.

Ok now I will say Some of the "Experts" will just say I am crazy.There is no way this is what is happening. Ok if you do not want to listen then to people on the spectrum (This seems to all to prevelent in the world of the spectrum) then do the world a favor and find some other line of work. One that will not keep hurting the ones you say you are there to help.

One thing that bothers me alot is the fact that some do not want to hear our voice. They know what is best for us. They use harrasment to make us look bad. They write things true or not just to get there point of view across. Right or wrong They alone know what is best for us. Some have not even taken the  time to realy get to know us to listen to what we have to say. Some Experts have said Only children are suffering from autisum. If you are an adult functioning in your community you CAN NOT be on the spectrum. More leader of the pack rederic and harrassment. To those that do listen to our voice I say Thank you. Most of us have a welth of information about this that may help. We would like to share. Not so we can rade the coat tails of a leader. No we want to share so you can help others like us and not fell you have to "cure" this. To help us be good members of our communities.

Posted by Coos Yellowknife on February 19, 2005 at 01:02 PM | Permalink


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One extra comment I have to make on "The leader of the pack" system. Why is it that canadates fell they have to show how crappy the other person is insed of showing what they can do for us?

I guess this does work well for them, unless they push it to far.

It was proven a few years ago that you can push it to far! The people of Missouri elected a dead man to be there senetor. Now some may have not understude this.

I lived in that state durring the campain. I do understand why the people spoke. That horid blasting went on for days back and forth. The people said We beleve that you ran such a bad campain you should not win. So meny voted for the dead man as a statment.

I hope everyone can learn from this. Sometimes this system of putting people down making them look bad DOES backfire!

Thank you all the other people of Missouri that did vote to make a statment agenst bad campianing. I beleve the voice of the people was heard. I just wish more would listen.

Posted by: Coos Yellowknife | Feb 19, 2005 1:43:01 PM

This is probably one of many e-mails expressing gratitude for sites like this, on which I need not feel inferior for being different.

While I have never been technically diagnosed with Asperger's, I know that I have had problems fitting into groups and interacting socially, all my life. This caused constant depression and frustration for me; little things people took for granted, like going to a restaurant/bar with six friends and talking for a few hours was something I just could not do (My main problem was scraping up the six friends).

I became a reasonably good writer, but of course, social interaction is hundreds of times more complicated than writing, and requires quick observation and instincts that I do not have.

I had two main problems. The first was that I was often discouraged from seeking help. I was able to hold down a job, and am able to hold down a conversation very well UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. Therefore, people told me I was okay. It's amazing how, even in this enlightened day and age, people still think badly of one for seeking psychological help! (I like to tell people, going to a counselor or psychologist is no different than going to a chiropractor for a bad back. Both are there to help you exercise and work around your difficulty so you can function better.)

Second, when I tried to ask people how they fit in, they literally could not break it down for me. Their advise was, "Go out there and do your thing; it will come to you." It did not. I need explicit instructions and examples in order to learn something new.

And so, it wasn't until one year ago, at the age of twenty-nine, that I was told I possibly had Asperger's, and not until one year later that I found a good counselor and friends who could teach me the way I learned. The last six months have made a world of difference in how I am able to communicate.

My counselor and a co-worker who used to be a therapist have given me simple procedures to follow during conversation, and have recommended books to help me further (I bought one on how to read facial expressions and body language that helped especially). But the most credit goes to my brother-in-law, who keeps inviting me to hang out with his circle of friends.

Combined with what my counselor and co-worker tell me, my brother-in-law and his friends are able to show me how "mainstream" people act. Nobody, including my brother-in-law, knows how many problems I've had, so they do not act differently on my account.

Even with the progress I've made, however, it's still nice to have a website like this where people understand my nature. It's great to be able to get this off my chest. Believe me, I'll be back.

Posted by: anonymous for now | Feb 25, 2005 12:30:31 PM

Hello and welcome to the group here anonymous for now.

Sounds like you found a place that understands these things. When I first started to look to "why" I found lots of sites that were not addressing isues for the adult with these problems. There is all kinds of sites to sell stuff to parents of "children on the spectrum" (I will hold my tounge about that for now). There are lots of sites that do help. The ones I found i would learn the most from were ones from "Other adults on the spectrum" also.

There are meny here that are like your name anonymous. We respect that here. I have chosen to be less. Six Mo ago I would not have been this open about all of this.If you like it. Please keep using it.

Oh yes! "You must be ok" Hmmm I have heard that also. I am sure most of us have in one way or another. For the most part that is true. It is nice that other understand it is not all true. and "why".

Well I am glad you have found this group.I am also happy to see you intend to come back again. You can email me if you like. I do check that address now and then so I will get back to you when I do get around to checking there.

Take care


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