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Life, Death, Money, and a spectrum

Ok This is going to get deep inside. So you may wish to pass this one by. Please if this subject bothers you you should stop reading now. If you wish to continue I will try to explain there are always different ways to look at things. I will attempt to show both sides as best I can.

Life - Life is good. Life is to be enjoyed. I have done that for the most part even with a spectrum. In life you get choises. Onechoise I make is to enjoy lots of my special interests.

Death - A part of life. We all die sometime. The body is designed to last only so long. Modern medicine does help people live longer.

Money - A thing that seems to be more important to some people. It can be used to provide yourself (and family if aplicable) with food clothing and selter. Scientificly It is a good standard for bartering. I will give you a standard sized paper with 20 on it for that "Object" If you agree then you will turn over ownership of that "Object" to me. It is a unit of measure. It's not a constant tho. It is a variable. What was .05 now takes 1.00 to own an object that is like the same "Object" you got 40 years ago for .05 (Container filled with a brown sugary liquid)

a spectrum - Something that is there. No one can seem to define it. Does that mean it does not exest. No It does! Is it something we must "cure" No we should not. Is it something to ignore. Some would like to! So we can not truely define this thing. Some just want it to go away. Some live with it! (directly and inderectly) Others hardly know it exists. So does it exist? Yes It does. Is it bad to be on it. Some say Yes Some say No. Most agree it can be a real pain in the ... at times!

First off I will say I for the most part have had a good life. I have had some "Money" to be able to take care of the needed "Objects". I have had some left over to enjoy some of my special interests. One thing about "Your money" and "Your health" there are lots of people out there that will tell you what choises you should make for yourself. The longer I live and the more I learn the more I am just polite and thank them for there advice. I am granted choises. I can chose to use or discard there advice.

Ok back to me and different ways to look at things. I rember one night my wife reading a Dear Abby to me. A 52 year old man was dieing of cancer. He said, "I have always eat healthy even eating stuff I did not like to stay healty. I never smoked or went with the gang downto the tavern for a beer or two. I went and running insted." He then said. "If I had known I only had 52 years. I would have gone with the gangand had a few with them, I might have enjoyed smoking a cigar now and then. I might have had the Poterhouse, insted of the salad. We both agreed we would enoy these things. We did. A year later she found out she had Breast cancer. Before she died she said to me. "I am glad I read that Dear Abby. We had fun together. We enjoyed that time. We made a choise! We enjoyed! I am sure there will be lots of people say well she might have lived longer. Well mayby she might have. Quality vs Quantity I chose Quality!

Now I no longer fear death. I know it is there. I understand it. I learned to be an EMT so I could understand both life and death better. I am amazed at how well the body comensates for various things. For me it reinforces the "Enjoy now" choise that I make.

I will touch on the TIA I had. Medicaly that is in question that it was. I do not care if they think it was or was not one. I am sure it was.When I woke up I realy did think Oh a "Stroke". You know I was not worried at all. I know How long it takes for astroke to do permenet damage. I know how long it would take to get to the hospital and how long the clot buster drugs to take effect. I knew It was useless to call the EMT's I did go and take 4 more baby asprins right away.  I quickly dicided it must be a Stroke  or TIA (mini stroke) I also knew that the 4 baby asprins were about the only realy good quick thing I could do for it at that time. I chose to enjoy my special interest in the "Workings of the human body" I did a number of tests that I found to be very fasinating. I had a chance to experence something most never get to. I got to know what it would be like to have an arm that the brain did not even know was there. It could see it there. It could fell it be lifted by my right arm and then droped onto my leg and I felt the thud of a lifeless arm on my leg. I tryed to command my arm to work but nothing. There was no communications with the arm what so ever! I knew all the lines of comunications should be ok. I had just been sleeping. I woke up with a useless arm. Now I am sure there will be LOTS of people try to give me there advice right now. ALOT have I chose to ignore them. I will again also If I get alot of "Advice" about this. I do value your concern but I chose to ignore it. That is my choise. ALOT of people said "I must have slept on it wrong. Been there done that. there is always pain when blood flow returns when it is that. You get tingles It is not "warm, pink, and dry"  My arm was all of them meaning there was more than enough blood flow to suport the arm. Basicly my brain forgot there was an arm there. It was not even upset that this was happening. When it did start to come back (about 3-4 mins later) There was NO PAIN o any kind. I just started to fell the pinch I was doing with my right hand fingers. It was a distant felling and it did not hurt at first. As time went on I could move the parts again. The pinches hurt more. Now meny will say I was dumb or crazy not to call the EMT's well that is your choise! I made a choise to ride it out. I am happy that all is well with my arm. It is like nothing happened. That I am glad. Lookingback I still say I made the right choise for that one. four baby asprins, see if the arm works again in the morning.

Now for me and death. I choise to have my "See food diet" I see food I like I eat it! Sometimes that is a nice salad sometimes it is pizza. Sometimes it is pure sugar! I eat it I enjoy eating it. With not a large pile of "Money" you are somewhat limited as to the types of things you can enjoy. So I choise to enjoy food. I choise not to stress out over am I getting my 5 veggies and fruits today. Sometimes I eat lots of them Sometimes not. My choise!

Ok yes I smoke. It is still semi-leagal to smoke (tobacco) I do for the most part enjoy it. So I choise to continue to do it. Yes I also drink lots of coffee! I realy like it. I like it more with chocholet in it. I choise to do this. Coffee you might say is "One of my special interests" I even have a few beers now and then with the gang!

Ok by now I am sure you will want to give me advice. I will do my best to be a good listener. I will try to thank you for you concern. I will remember that Dear Abby my late wife read to me. I will try to enjoy my life. No matter what is pitched my way. Sometimes that is hard to do. Other times it is EZ. Today was hard to enjoy life. IWell It showed yesterday. I am sorry. I should try and remember to enjoy but sometimes I do forget. Sometimes by brain  does not always choise wisely. Today it did not. If you want an appoligy then here it is. "I am sorry I made that choise and you were hurt by it." I do hope it will help.

I hope this will help you to understand me better. Why I make the choise I do. Sometimes I will take advice sometimes I will not. I make the choises they are not always the best choises. They may not be the choise you would make. That is cool with me you can make that choise and I hope it is a good one for you.

Thank you for listening and thank you for caring!

Posted by Coos Yellowknife on February 17, 2005 at 01:23 AM | Permalink


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That's a powerful and poignant entry, Coos. I'm pleased that my preference was to read it all the way through... twice.

Posted by: Sierra/Rain | Feb 17, 2005 6:27:55 AM

you remind me of the matrix...it's all about the choices we make, isn't it? i won't try to give you advice, but just keep in mind...when people try to give you advice, it's because they would still like to have you around and in one piece.
i like your philosophy about "see food". great name for it...i think i do it also :)

Posted by: SilverGirl/Amalthea | Feb 18, 2005 8:46:52 PM

Coos thank you for sharing.

YOu were correct...your sharinging with us the Dear Abby article..

It most defitniatly touched me deep inside, at a time in my life that I needed to be touched that way..

THanks again buddy~~Delta

Posted by: delta7899 | Feb 20, 2005 9:18:56 PM

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