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the big challenge of my life, by john s

the big challenge of my life by john s

i know i'm an intelligent man. i'm 32 and have never found a tool that will let that intelligence out. at times i knew the solution to things, but couldnt share. or had a valuable opinion but couldnt get it out. i've had questions burning inside that i could never find the answers to, because i couldnt ask them. its perplexing always looking for a way to get things out of your head so folk know them and to effectively communicate. lots of times i've had vital contributions but they could never be made.

part of the struggle is time, even when you have a listener who can actually hear you. theres rarely enough time to complete what i have to say. this is frustrating. it can easily take 30 min to isolate what it is i had to say.  sometimes things just get loose and open up... flowing even... and then some other time-oriented demand stops us cold in our tracks. i'm not ready to stop yet! i was just getting warmed up! i find these times most challenging. so many feelings rush though me.  i'm so into it, invested... finally things are getting out and then suddenly, as if totally unfairly, i have to stop. but cant you hear me?? i dont want to stop!!

i know people are busy!  i know they have OTHER things to take care of.  but... arent i important too?   and whats more urgent in my personal care needs than hearing what i have to say?  too often your tv show or phone call to your friend or juicy staff to staff conversation take front stage.  it gets old hearing reason after reason after good reason as to why something else is more important. 

its the soul of a person which makes them the most valuable.  communicating is whats the most important to me, and all these other 'supposibly' vital things ALWAYS take rank.  seems to me the most important thing of all slips through the cracks without even being noticed.  feels like the same story, day in and day out, "be patient we'll get back to that".  more often than not, no one does.  its almost more than i can bare sometimes.  why am i not important too?  it hurts me so.  i know my peers go through the saaaame things.   

we need better speech aides for those who can use no limbs and have no body control.  we need more people who can lend themselves to drawing us out and assist us  with technology, type what we want said, follow our directives, be our hands.... human interfaces.

sometimes the non handicapped miss the point on what's important in the world, or perhaps more accurately, in our world. in all the busyness they lose track of things.

yes its hard not being able to move my body the way others do.  yes its hard having to rely on others to care for my most basic of needs.  yes its been hard living my whole life unable to take myself from one room to another. but the hardest challenge of all for me has been not being able to communicate, not having someone to take the time to listen.  being denied heart to heart expressions.

i'm not angry or mad, perhaps i have the right to be.  i'm a gentle kind man, not angry.  anger has never gotten me anywhere.   what i want is for things to change.  its possible for them to change.  i want people to finally understand that individuals like myself all accross the globe are less interested in the floor being mopped than in someone hearing us, taking the time for our souls.  we shouldnt have to give up who we are just so some common task can be completed.  we're not second rate people! how do you think we feel when all too often what your busy with is your own personal stuff.  people lose whats vital and settle for what looks good.  why dont all the myriad of rules for our care include just one on listening to us each day?   

i have so much to give. it feels like its bursting out of me, like an overstuffed popcorn bag in the microwave popping and bursting.

i wanta stand up and shout, ' we are people too! just as much as you! someone take notice! someone take the time to listen! someone help us to be set free!!'

for me, and all those like me around the world, HEAR US! SEE US! CARE!  UNDERSTAND!  oh please, wont you understand?

Posted by group mascot on February 23, 2005 at 05:05 PM in john s's writings | Permalink


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John S...It's got to be discouraging when others don't take time to give you a chance to express yourself.There's a poem that, as a Mom, I really like. It's basic message is that it is more important to rock your child than to clean your house. In a broader sense, it's saying people should be more important than tasks or inanimate objects. If we don't make them more important, then everybody loses. You are important & your thoughts, opinions, questions and feelings are so valuable. I get a lot out of reading your posts that will, hopefully, help me in becoming a better , more compassionate person.

Posted by: elizabeth | Feb 26, 2005 9:02:19 PM

John, I am most definitely listening, and trying to figure out ways of amplifying your voice... please continue.

Posted by: Tom Munnecke | Mar 2, 2005 11:09:05 AM

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